Monthly Archives: September 2015

Sewing vs. Sex

So I had a stress test this morning to check out the ol’ ticker (everything seems to be fine, if you were worried/wondering — or in Tino’s Larry King voice, “Heart still beating.”).

Now, if you’ve never had a stress test, this usually involves getting hooked up to an EKG monitor and then walking/running on a treadmill for a while to make sure a little exercise doesn’t make your heart go wonky. Bonus, they shaved these funny little patches on my chest in order to attach the EKG leads, so I look like I got into a fight with a cosmetology school dropout or engaged in some sort of S&M play involving hot candle wax.

Anyway, my treadmill faced a wall that was covered with pamphlets and cartoons about getting enough exercise and maintaining a healthy weight — not a single mention of the health benefits of bacon, so I cry foul — but what caught my eye as I was trying to pretend that I’m in totally great shape and exercise, like, ALL the time, was this list of MET values for various activities.

A MET is the Metabolic Equivalent of Task, or a comparative measure of how much energy/oxygen your body requires to perform an activity — sitting down and watching TV is 1.0, sleeping is 0.9, walking ranges from 2.3-3.3 depending on speed, butchering an animal is 6.0, etc.

Now, I’m uncertain how current this list was, but two adjacent entries, since the list was alphabetical, caught my eye:

Sewing: 2.0
Sexual activity: 1.0-1.5

Which leads me to the question I now pose to you, gentle readers/listeners:

Am I doing this sex stuff totally wrong, or do I just not understand sewing?

Judson, UnPR contributor and Siamese asshole

Addendum from Chris, on sabbatical: “And where does Tino’s Sewing vaginas shut hobby fall on that range, because it seems like a combination of the two. 3.5?”

Witchdoctors And Other Bad Ideas

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This week!  Mike’s wife makes him see a witchdoctor… not once… not twice… not three times… he’s basically there right now… again.  Tino finally accepts the tragic story song challenge. Apologies in advance.  We all reveal our secret service codenames. Oh, and as usual…we blow the lid off the week in crazy internet news.

UnPR013 – Calling All Ladies

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After taking a week off.  Weeeee’re  Baaaaack. This week, we ask our fans to choose their own Masterbaventure!  Tino yields to the… well, you’ll see. We admit, much like a college freshman and much unlike Lindsey Graham, we’re desperately seeking ladies.  I take a Cosmo quiz.  And we react to 2-week old news.

Who will Trump claim is having their period THIS time?


Who will Trump claim was having their period during the debate THIS time?

  • Columba Bush (43%)
  • Rand Paul (43%)
  • Dana Bash (14%)
  • Carly Fiorina (0%)
  • Hugh Hewitt (0%)
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UnPR Archive – Sex and Sexuality


In this pre-run (as opposed to re-run), we share a podcast from our development phase.  This was the episode Chris first revealed his antipathy for bisexuals.  Also, this was the first time everyone but Tino decided it would be hilarious to make fun of Tino’s age.  In this episode: We overshare our sex stories.  We push deeper into twinks.  A beloved football coach is honored and shamed.  We all play the crying game.  And robots make sweet, sweet love.

UnPR 012 – Go With the Flow

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On this week’s show, Tino, with a LOT of help from the rest of the UnPR team, discovers the wonders of the female body, Mike makes a startling confession, Tino dry heaves in the corner, and we finally include the christian conservative perspective on the week’s news.